The World of Online Dating
The world of online dating it’s a minefield! Nothing can really prepare you for the shock of finding yourself single at 50+. Whether it’s following a divorce, separation, or bereavement it’s a situation that none of us really wants to think about. So, when you do find yourself alone after decades of being in a long-term relationship, where do you go? The pub? A single’s night? The dreaded blind date? Nope, dating, like the rest of this crazy world has moved on!
You enter the viper’s nest that is the surreal world of online dating, of course! And what a baptism of fire that is! I don’t know what has happened to this planet since my last sojourn into the realm of flying solo, but it most definitely is not an improvement. It’s a little like pushing a tray along in a cafeteria. Nothing looks very appetising, but you know you must choose something before you reach the cashier at the end!
Slim Pickings
If you’ve visited a dating site recently you can’t have failed to miss the plethora of boring personal profiles. From those, who have made very little effort to market themselves, to some, that feel that their dubious profile photo is enough to tempt you to swipe right! Most are so gormlessly, vacuously insufficient, that Lord Sugar would have fired them and sent them home without even reading the second line.
Surely your personal bio is an opportunity to give a little insight into your personality. It should not resemble the Christmas list of a barely literate child! And talking of writing talent, judging by the content from most profiles I’ve read, it appears that literacy is not a trait I share with many of the individuals I’ve encountered in online dating. How are you supposed to get the essence of a person who is only prepared to submit a 4-word descriptor?
I’ve seen it all. From the utter imbeciles who genuinely believe they’re Adonis, to those who, in exalting terms, extol their own virtues and tell you, “You don’t know what you’re missing love”. Well sunshine, let me tell you, I think I’ll be the judge of that! So, what have we got?
We have the scammers, the over familiar, exuberant types who overwhelm you with sweet nothings, writing as though they’ve known you forever. Then, we have the guys with more tattoos than teeth! Their profile shots make them look as though they’ve been through a wind tunnel or had their teeth extracted without anaesthetic. In fact, they look like they’d be more comfortable in a hospital bed on oxygen! Finally, let’s not forget the young men looking for a MILF, or GILF to add to their trophy list! Seriously boys, are the pouting fish in your pond truly that unappealing?
It Works Both Ways
Maybe? After all, this insanity works both ways. We ladies are far from perfect when it comes to online dating protocol. We have the usual culprits, who post tedious sermons about long country walks and spending hours in the gym. The trophy photograph at the summit of Pen y Fan, with a strategically placed, and conveniently sized, live handbag accessory, called Tiddles! Or the profile shots taken before the war, that have gone through more filters than the Thames…. If snapchat has taught us anything it’s that most girls look infinitely better as farm animals!
What Now?
Should I lower my expectations and forever live a life of abject disappointment? Develop a stance of super optimism, and patiently wait for a knight in shining armour to appear at my window?
I’ve got to a point where I’m seriously considering asking the BBC to put out an appeal for me!
What is a girl to do, I hear you say? It’s simple. Join online dating, where your hopes and dreams of finding the ideal partner will be unequivocally crushed in the convenience of your own home!
Folks, I can comfortably say that over the last few months I’ve learned that signing up for online dating is an excellent way to reassure myself that dying alone is not so bad after all!
If you’ve enjoyed my observations about the world of online dating, then why not check out more of my blogs here? The Blog Writer’s Guide to Reality!
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