Anyone who thinks that OAP’s don’t do much evidently hasn’t met my mother. Twice in the last week I’ve popped in to blow the dust off her to find the house like the Marie Celeste. No sign of her….not even up a tree in the garden! Still, at least she’s getting out and about. Then I learned that she’s been in training for the 10k! I just hope my family don’t expect me to be like that. My plan for 83 is to sit at home with my electric blanket and binge watch Bangers and Cash with a glass of red wine. That is, of course, only if I can’t drink the red wine somewhere warmer like Benidorm or Magaluf. When I sighed “God, can this weather get any worse?” it was a rhetorical question, not a f***ing challenge.
OAP’s – Rest
So this week I’ve been back in Greece, in an attempt to get away from the dismal weather at home. This time in Halkidiki. There’s a backdrop of the beautiful Aegean Ocean, and I’ve drunk existence numbing amounts of red wine and soaked up more rays in a day than we’ve seen in the UK since 1976!
OAP’s – Rage
The weather here has been a little cooler than it was back in June, which makes it more tolerable…..but speaking of benevolence it would appear that some some people have none whatsoever. You know the sort. People who lose their shit at the speed of light and are propelled into rage of meltdown proportions over the most insignificant incident. We’ve just witnessed a middle aged German bloke more accurately described as a supercilious bastard, launch into orbit with the poor hotel gym instructor for playing her music too loud for the aqua aerobics class on the beach. With all the patience of an exhausted toddler but with greater dramatic flair, you’d have thought the world had ended. He’s the kind of bloke that couldn’t assemble an IKEA Lack coffee table without looking like he’s auditioning for a James Bond movie where the arch villain is an Allen key!
OAP’s – and Coleslaw!
I’ve nicknamed him “Coleslaw” because his behaviour indicates that his brain is 90% cabbage. Fortunately, nobody gave in to his rapacious demands and his usurpation of the ghetto blaster was somewhat short lived. A small posse of other guests has now seen him off and we’ve had a bit of a whip round to collect enough Euros to buy the loathsome little shit a pair of Air pods……from Temu……and we’ve all joined what has become the largest aqua aerobics class in the world.
However, according to Perry, “Coleslaw” isn’t the angriest bloke he’s seen by far. He says he has massive competition from a former colleague who due to outbursts of blistering fury, was encouraged to go on an anger management course in a vain attempt at curbing his rage. He arrived in the car park on the morning of the course, couldn’t find a suitable parking spot and was so outraged that he drove home in a temper!
I’d usually recommend that “coleslaw bloke” got himself a free beer from the All Inclusive beach bar….but he can’t! Said beach bar is like Arkwright’s, ’til 6pm on the dot the shutters are unceremoniously slammed down with gusto, no matter who is still in the queue! Put your hands near the bar and they’ll amputate your fingers!
So off up to the main hotel bar it is for the magical buffet where, metaphorically speaking, everything is free, except for the very thing you fancy eating and for the worst cup of tea since the advent of agriculture.
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