I need something to get my teeth stuck into! I seem to have been set adrift recently, without doubt I’ve been off course over the last few weeks. For the first time in many months I found myself without an opinion and nothing much to say. Well relatively speaking anyway. If you’d popped into Nail Divas recently you might have heard the odd curse about Eurovision.
Hallelujah!
Perhaps it was the fact that it’s barely stopped raining since September or that my laptop has bitten the dust and I can’t see the bloody keyboard on the new one! Whatever it was, I found myself distinctly lacking in mojo and from an innovative perspective I was reduced to impotence and penury. Critical analysis deserted me along with my sense of humour and I found myself all out of ideas and innovation. So imagine my absolute delight when on Wednesday afternoon the government announced that they were calling a general election. Oh joy of joys something finally to pique my interest and offer the best creative writing inspiration opportunity for years.
A Tory Wash Out Already?
In a week plagued by mutineers and deserters the Tories appear to have finally admitted to themselves that they’re up shit creek without a paddle. Not only did the Prime Minister announce this decision to the public outside number 10 but he did it whilst standing in the pouring rain without a coat and no umbrella. An accidental oversight? I don’t think so. To the dulcet tonnes of “things can only get better” by D-Ream, which fortunately Professor Brian Cox then dubbed “things can only get wetter”, Rishi Sunak took to the lectern to explain to the British public that everything was just Tickety Boo and we should all stick to his plan.
What f***ing plan?
Now call me a sceptic if you like, but soaked to the skin, in torrential rain with water dripping off the end of his nose the Prime Minister looked like the very last thing he had was any kind of plan whatsoever. In fact he looked like a man who lacked a coherent strategy so badly that he couldn’t find his own arse with both hands in a map even if he had a GPS tracker stapled to his dick!
Oh, that plan!
This glorious announcement came only hours after the Bank of England report showing that inflation had finally gone down to 2.3%. Sadly this doesn’t actually mean that prices are going down it just means that they aren’t rising quite as fast as they were a few months ago. I’m not sure that’s really a cause for celebration is it?
It seems that the government’s plan is actually more of a ruse, make the public believe that there’s impending doom on the horizon. Just hours before the announcement of the General Election, Deputy Prime Minister Oliver Dowden gave a speech at the London Defence Conference on resilience, warning that we should all be in fear of a possible attack from Russia. So the BIG PLAN is to tell us that it’s important to have a minimum of 3 days supply of imperishable food in preparation for Armageddon and therefore save Rishi’s bollocks from the inevitable bacon slicer.
Ludicrous!
Why the Tories expect us to believe that Rishi Sunak is the man for the job is way beyond my perception and utterly ludicrous. He’s the very last person I’d be prepared to trust in the midst of a national emergency like World War 3. I’d expect to see an alacrity to surrender on par with the French
The current Government has trashed the economy, cut defence budgets ruthlessly and now expect us all to believe that the most imminent threat to our security is from Russia, from whom they’ve accepted billions of quid in donations!
Something to get my teeth stuck into – The cherry!
Oh and now, today the cherry on the cake. They are bringing back National Service. What a fabulous idea! Despite their blatant mishandling of every possible issue of importance to the British electorate they are now going to alienate all new voters as well. Regrettably, the likely supporters of this policy will be a very small demographic, barely larger than those who supported the sending of immigrants to Rwanda
So whilst I remain unimpressed with the current Government’s crude attempts to hang onto power, I look forward to the next few weeks in joyful anticipation. Something to get my teeth stuck into, an abundance of literary inspiration…..oh and finally getting rid of Sunak…..I bet that’ll be a sparsely attended funeral!
If you enjoyed reading my critical observations, if you nodded along and enjoyed a titter or two, please read my other blogs here, it’s always great to meet a kindred spirit!
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