Aging disgracefully, is that my plan, or is it just how things will pan out, I wonder?
The ‘R’ Word
Last week we were sitting in the garden. (It couldn’t have been this week since it hasn’t stopped raining for long enough to go outside let alone sit out there) Anyway, we were talking about the ‘R’ word. Retirement! You know, the new norm of not having to get up in the morning and joining the pipe and slippers brigade. My children believe that my day now consists of watching old episodes of Miss Marple or The Golden Shot. But then my offspring also think that anyone more than 5 years their senior is Methuselah!
Not Down With The Kids!
As I am now officially a curmudgeonly old git, I can no longer claim to have my finger on the pulse of popular culture….so I’m afraid I’ve no bloody idea who Taylor Swift is or what she looks like, and I’ve never watched a single episode of Love Island or Game of Thrones. My era was Starsky and Hutch, The Generation Game and Grease so I must be nearing imminent decrepitude and death! The Co-op evidently concur because they keep sending me leaflets and emails about planning my funeral.
Not Dead Yet Either!
Sadly, For The Co-Op, I’m not planning on dying any time soon and frankly once I’m dead I couldn’t care less what kind of funeral I have. Chuck me in a wheelbarrow and take me to the council tip then have a party if you like…… but please just wait until I am actually dead! Did you read about the fella from Kilkenny in Ireland with the most hilarious sense of humour? He recorded an MP4 of himself to be played at his funeral, of him knocking on the inside of his coffin shouting “Hello? Hello? Let me out! Where the f— am I?” and “Let me out! It’s f—ing dark in here!”. The mourners must have had the shock of their lives, but I bet they laughed all the way to the wake.
So, Aging Disgracefully It Is Then!
Anyway, despite all my best efforts, it looks like old age is catching up with me rapidly. I’ve come to the conclusion that I’m a bit like a lighthouse in the desert, bright but not very useful.
Last week I decided to make cranberry and cashew soda bread. I haven’t made any for a long time and I thought it’d make a nice change to cook something. I made the bread, I put the oven on, and I even set the timer on my phone……Do I have soda bread? No! Of course not. I forgot to put it in the f***ing oven!!!!! 🙈🙈🙈🤣🤣🤣
As recent events are forcing me to reconsider my stance on aging disgracefully, this afternoon with Perry’s assistance, I decided to test out blood pressure monitors and oxygen saturation gadgets. …. Whilst we sat there like a pair of old codgers, I realised that maybe I should consider installing a defibrillator at the side of the bed just in case! Mind you, I’ve no idea who would be operating it if I ever needed it since I live by myself…. maybe it’s yet another task to add to the long list for my “butler” Mark. I guess it all adds excitement to life. The biggest lie I tell myself is “I’ll remember that”, as my train of thoughts leaves the station without me! But never mind, I’m told the first 60 years of childhood are the worst!
If I made you chuckle, or nod away furiously in agreement, please, check out my other blogs HERE, I think you’ll enjoy them!
Leave a Reply