Newspapers and Pop ups, aaargh! Imagine the scenario. I reach for my phone to find that it’s still only 5.51am. I’ve already lost an hours sleep thanks to delights of Daylight saving time and now I have to look forward to the joys of British Summer Time….. I think it was a Wednesday last year…….summer that is!
British Summer Time…..really?
But now I’ve been savagely jolted awake by some inconsiderate halfwit in a Subaru Impresa with his handsfree set to a billion decibels, a stridulous, grating voice and a bell on every tooth. I try to shut my eyes again but it’s too late and due to aforementioned events, I find myself unable to enjoy my usual Sunday idleness.
God, I wish humans weren’t so bloody thoughtless.
Everybody Hates Popups
And so to the nub of the issue.
I decide to check my phone messages….within seconds I feel a tidal wave of anger welling up and I’m so incandescent with rage that I wish I hadn’t bothered.
If you’ve ever received a video link from a friend, then I’m pretty sure you’ll have experienced the same frustrations.
You first check that it isn’t a virus and then attempt to open it…..and this is where the hell on earth nightmare begins.
You are directed to a codicil where you have to sign away your right to breathe. Then you have to tick a box consenting to your entire family being kidnapped and tortured for a month in the Congo and finally find 3 sets of traffic lights in some blurry photographs that are barely visible to the human eye in order to prove that you are not a robot. All of this whilst negotiating hoards or irritating pop ups about haemorrhoids, dentures and healthy eating….they’re assuming that because I’m now considered old at nearly 60, I have piles, no teeth and need to suck my vegan grass stew through a straw.
Am I really that old?
Now whilst I appreciate that getting old is generally a bad thing there are one or two gems of delight I can look forward to. For instance I no longer need to attract the opposite sex so matching underwear isn’t necessary and the pearl grey rinse is looking more appealing by the day….Sorry, I digress…..
Internet security gone mad
In a world where security is paramount, I can see the validity of some basic precautionary measures. But just to watch a poxy video of someone’s 3-legged dog on a fucking skateboard. All I wanted to do was read the bloody news.
Why do I need an annual subscription?
You can’t even view a newspaper article these days without an annual subscription. Maybe this explains why so many morons out there think the earth is flat and the royal family are lizards. They’re absorbing their “news” from equally cretinous arseholes on Facebook. It seems to me like the entire world of social media is full of idiots, spewing out their demented ‘opinions’. It doesn’t seem to matter that someone is talking absolute bollocks, or that there isn’t even a kernel of truth in their so called news. To their acolytes they’re examples of philosophical genius. They are blissfully unaware that they are being led around the internet by an algorithm that shows them only what it wants them to see.
Sell the cat!
But, unfortunately, I can’t afford an annual subscription to all 12 nationally distributed newspapers. I guess I’ll just have to join the epicene ranks of ill informed miscreants and make do with the cesspit of mediocrity that is TikTok.…..Perhaps an opiate or two to dull the pain of reality…. I suppose I could always try to sell the cat on Ebay for a few bob.
If you enjoyed this rant about Newspapers and Pop ups then I’m delighted you are a like-minded soul! Why not read more of my blogs, hopefully now we are kindred spirits you’ll relate to those too. Click here for more.
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